Thursday, November 17, 2011

Adoption Interview Project: Meet Kenna...

Today is Adoption Interview Project day! Its been an interesting couple of weeks, getting to know another blog and learning more about the blogger herself. For a more comprehensive list of the blogs that are involved please go visit this post at Prduction, Not Reproduction.

For the project I was paired with Kenna, whose blog is called iWrite. At first after reading some of her posts I was in awe of her strength. She has had so much hardship in her journey and she could have given up. Struggling with infertility, health issue, two failed adoptions, seems like almost too much for one human being to deal with. Now for her trouble she has a beautiful son, and a wonderful family. At times her blog reads as heart-wrenching, while at others you see the humor that she uses to diffuse the hard stuff. It's an amazing combination of insightful and funny. Very few pieces of writing can make me cry, and then laugh while those tears still fall. She has that unique ability. I hope that others who see this will come to understand how inspiring her writing is. I also know that many will just laugh at her hilarious antics. So here is our interview, which makes me giggle with glee:

Describe yourself in as few words as possible. What is the most important thing for people to know about you and your blog?

Insane but genuine.

As far as the blog goes, the most important thing I like people to know is that it is honest. Some people don't understand what this means, which confuses me, but I am very real is what I write and how I write it. Yes, I do understand that there are lines, but sugarcoating my experiences isn't going to help anyone, especially me, as I write because it is cathartic. No shame in having human emotions. I have found in so many instances people are ashamed of the more intense and I guess, 'frowned upon' feelings. I have been through some very horrible and painful experiences, and there isn't any reason to hide that. I figure, 'How can I expect to help anyone if I am not true to what I went through?' I have been chastised for it, but I refuse to be emotionally stunted because it's on a public forum.

Tell me about a memory you never want to forget. Give as much detail as possible.

Since we are on the topic of adoption I think about the day Boog was placed with us. After two failed placements, one of them basically torching my soul, it was such a healing balm to my soul. Boog was 12 months old when his birth mom first emailed us, and 14 months old when we were placed, so there had to be a transition period that isn't usually included when adopting a newborn. My husband and I were in Texas for one week before placement, and one week after, but something about the day of placement (December 10, 2010) is so very special to me. It wasn't like most placements I had heard about. We weren't at a hospital or the agency; just sitting on the couch at Boog's birth family's house. Sadie (Boog's birth mom) sat next to me, and the notary public and her caseworker sat across from us on chairs with dinner trays as their table. Her caseworker read aloud what Sadie would be signing, and Sadie signed with no hesitation. It was truly an amazing thing to watch. We knew she knew that she was doing the best possible thing for Boog. Then it was our turn, and the same thing went down. Caseworker read what we were going to sign, and we signed. It was notarized, and we gave Sadie a huge hug, and then she had to leave for work. Josh and I got into the car with Boog and kind of looked at each other like, 'ummm, crazy, right?!' I think that because we weren't leaving for another week that it wasn't as hard on Sadie, because she knew she would see him the next day. Same goes for us. We knew it wasn't necessarily goodbye yet (although when goodbye came we all LOST it) so we were able to prepare a bit more. It was just such a peaceful day. It was the first time I felt like I was breathing normally in years.

(insert my sobs here. can't write about that day without bawling)

Are you a dog person or a cat person?

Sadly I am allergic to all animals, but I have a dog. My husband and I both grew up with animals so I imagine we will always have some ourselves. Plus, our kiddo loves, 'goggies', so it works out. Also, I should probably admit that when it comes to grown up cats I see them as a football. Easy to punt. Then again, kitties are adorable! I feel so torn right now.

Tell me about someone in the adoption world who has inspired you. What about them would you like to emulate?

This seems almost impossible to answer because there are so many people in the adoption world. From fellow adoptive moms, to birth parents, my kiddo, my case worker, even my therapist (if it wasn't for her I would never have tried to adopt again after our failed placements).

I admit it. I can't pick one person. I have been inspired by all.

However, there is one thing all these people have in common. Love. Sound corny? Sure does, but it is completely true. Adoptive parents have so much love to give. Birth parents love their child so much they want it to have the best chance at life possible. My caseworker loved me enough that during the months after our first failed placement she checked in on me constantly, which included staying up until midnight to wish me a happy birthday. My therapist gave me courage and loved me enough to know I shouldn't stop trying to adopt.

This is what it's all about. Love, love, love, love, lovey love. It's pretty awesome.

How has being a parent changed your view of the world?

I think it has made me much more, er, scared. I was going to say pansy ass, but am I allowed? There wasn't anything I was really worried about before Boog came into the picture. Now that I'm raising a kiddo, I am terrified. So much evil and wrong and gross and sick things going on right now. Then again, I am a true believer of where there is dark, there has to be light. There are so many amazing things available to my son that weren't when I was a kid. I am surprised a lot of us made it to adulthood. From medical advances, to options for school and careers when he gets older, it's endless. The world doesn't have to be terrifying, and I try really hard not to convey my nervousness to my kiddo. Kind of intimidating when all you want to do is raise a good, caring, productive member of society. It seems these days it's always about taking the easy way. What's fastest. What gives instant gratification.

Oh man, now I'm scaring myself.

Tell me about your husband, how has he changed you? How has he changed because of you? What is the best example of how your relationship flows?

Basically I married a saint. I would have left my sorry self a long time ago, but for some reason he is still around. He must like a good challenge...

Josh is everything I've ever dreamed of in a husband, and more, which is you know, total bonus for me. I was a little, how do you say, rough around the edges when we met. His kindness and love for me helped smooth out a lot of issues I had with myself and the world in general. He has given me a lot more hope in the world, people, life. I think more than anything he has pushed me to be better in all aspects of my life. Sounds cliche, but it's completely true.

Ha, Josh would say that I corrupted him, which is partly true. He never used the word, 'douche bag' until he married me. He also never yelled and shook his fist at idiot drivers, but I figure that is a good trait. I just asked him if I have changed him for the good in any way and he promptly said, 'No.' What a punk.

How do you give an example of a relationship? Do you watch Modern Family? Claire and Phil? Totally like that, but with more kidney punches and open handed face smacks.

Okay, but really, we fit together perfectly and I am amazed every day that I got so lucky. He feels the same, because let's be honest, I'm a freaking catch.

What would you change about the adoption process if you had the power to do so?

Why do they have to look in my tub for the home study? Think I'm working on some booze in there? Keeping a pet alligator? If I had a pet alligator I would obviously keep it in my pool in the backyard, not in my tub. Have you ever tried to take a bath with an alligator? Yeah, it goes about how you are picturing it in your mind.

Seriously, though, I don't know what I would change. I see some things as kind of a pain, or frustrating (how much it costs, the paper work, the intrusiveness of it all) but I understand why it's that way. Of course we can say, 'Drug addicts have babies all the time and they don't have to have someone checking in their bathtub...' but this is a chance to give the child the best. possible. home. So, if it means becoming a parent, I will do whatever it takes. Even if that means my caseworker has to pry into my sex life, look into my tub, and analyze my every move.

Last and most importantly: If I gave you a Hippopotamus, what would you do with it? :D

Name it Kevin. Get a saddle. Ride around the neighborhood. "Oh, you have a Lexus? I HAVE A HIPPO! Sucka!"

1 comment:

My name is Andy. said...

Great interview! And now I have another blog to add to my reader!