Thursday, October 6, 2011

Open...

Do you remember the first time you heard about open adoption?

This is the question posed in this edition of the open adoption roundtable.

If I'm being honest, the first time I realized there were different forms of adoption was after I was already pregnant. I never had any experiences with adoption before that. It was a foreign concept to me. I was so set against the idea that I tried not to pay much attention to the details. It seemed so painful and unnecessary. Why on earth would I ever do that to myself? I had a lot of misconceptions. I thought I would be separated from my son forever, I knew I could not handle that. I thought I would have to wait that painful 18 years before he could come and find me (misconceptions brought to you by my silly soap opera habit at the time). I thought he would hate me.

Things changed. My SW was kind and sweet, she listened and I'm sure many times she wished she could make me see the seriousness of this situation. It wasnt until I started having pre-term labor that things really hit me. This baby boy was by far the most amazing thing I had ever created, the most awesome and perfect gift. While I was seeing rainbows and butterflies my world was falling down around me. I was not able to return to school for most of my junior year (would I be able to finish high school?). My parents were struggling daily with bills and the stress of 2 pregnant daughters (could they still support me with the baby?). J's parents were not much better off, and I had no idea if they would want anything to do with us. J was dissapearing more and more frequently, had lost 2 jobs and was unreliable at best. When I finally started listening to what my SW had to say about openness, I was thrown into a totally new field of dreams. Could I find a place in my life for these strangers? Could I make it through this? Would they ever accept me? Could I really be part of my son's life and still give him the wonderful parents and home he deserved? Yep, I thought I could do that.



So I did, I didnt know how this would all turn out. In the beginning things were only "semi-open" meaning we knew eachother's first names and sent letters through the agency. As time passed and the restrictions became fewer, we found out more about eachother. I remember the first time I knew their last name, I felt kind of mischeivious because I found out by accident, I was so excited I squeeled. As time has passed, we have exchanged phone numbers, addresses, emails, and had many visits. I feel a deep and abiding love and respect for these amazing people. The trust we have built is a beautiful thing that I hope to nourish forever. I cant imagine what my life would be like without open adoption...

2 comments:

Monika said...

Found your blog through OAR. Fabulous. And beautiful. Thank you for writing this! :) <3

Ashley said...

Just found you through OAR. Love your post. It put a smile on my face. Thank you.

Ashley
www.modernmommymagic.blogspot.com