Thursday, July 21, 2011

You MUST do as I do

Here is the misconception I see all the time: People believe that because I placed my child I will think that is what all single mother's should do. This is not even close to true.

It has come to the point where I feel unable to talk about my experiences around some of my single mom friends. I can admit that I often put too much stock in my reputation and how people think of me. I dont want to be seen as the girl who condemns people who dont do the things I do. I have actually lost friends because of placement. It's the sad reality that some people just dont understand that I can still support them in whatever decision they make. Placement is a big deal, and should not be a decision that comes lightly. There have even been times when people have asked me to talk to their family members about adoption, I will always refuse if they do not want to talk to me. I am not going to be a part of forcing anyone to place. I will certainly help them to get a better picture if they are considering it, but I am not going to lie to them either by giving them a rosie picture of the future. I know alot of mom's who are wonderful on their own, and with my second child I also decided to single parent. It's a tough job no matter how you slice it.

I often say that it is because I loved my son that I placed him. Does this mean I think someone who keeps their child loves them less? Not at all, it simply means that they chose what was right for their child and for them. I cant fault them that, and I would never want to make that decision for anyone. I agonized over it with my daughter, and I even wondered if I was choosing selfishly, but in the end everything worked out the way it was supposed to. I know now that the only thing I would have been able to regret is if I did not analyze and think over every option. Then and only then would I have felt like I may have made a mistake in whatever choice I made. Because I did agonize (for both of my kids) I know that the decisions I made for them and for me were the right ones.

So my advice to someone who is looking into placing a child is this: Think it through. Dont worry about what others may think, but think through the consequences of each action and figure out what will allow for the most happiness in both of your lives. Think of yourself and most of all think of your child, and understand that the hardships are coming no matter which way you go. Dont be afraid to ask questions of other single moms, birth moms and anyone who is willing to help. Dont ever allow someone else to influence you by saying you are selfish for one or another choice. Above all else please dont just make a decision based on what others expect of you. You may regret it later on and it will be too late to change anything.

Hopefully I have made myself clear on this issue. Please feel free to ask questions of me as long as they are respectful. I have a little bit of both views so it may make things easier for some.

Thanks for reading!

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