Inspirational...

I grew up in a mormon family. Large, loud, proud and loving. My siblings are spread between generations. Sometimes that makes it hard to communicate and understand one another. I didnt feel like I really got to know my oldest siblings as adults, because they moved away when I was young. As I've gotten older I have realized how important it is to foster these relationships. It's still hard, and we will always be in different stages of our lives, but we have become better friends as time passes.

This is my oldest sister, Jen. She has been a rock in my times of need. We have a special bond now because of adoption. I'm sure you've seen me mention my sister who struggled with infertility while myself and our other sister were pregnant. She has had alot of trials and dealt with them all amazingly well. She was the first to mention adoption to me when I was pregnant with Dawson, and she was the first person I thought of when I decided to place. We both thought and prayed alot about whether it would be a good idea to place my son in her home. In the end we didnt feel it was the right choice. I felt like I would have alot of negative feelings toward my sister, and I didnt want the added stress to our relationship.

In the end she did adopt, and her little boy Liam is a perfect addition to their family (full disclosure- I stole the below picture from her blog). She also has beautiful twins who were my first niece and nephew. They are an amazing example of how a great mom raises great kids, and I love the whole family. I know that what we all went through has changed us, and I have always felt like after placement she and I understood one another better. She is one of the best moms I know, so I talk to her when I want advice on how to handle tough parenting decisions. We both have come to eachother with questions about the "other side" of the adoption view. She's given me some great advice, and I even stayed with her for a month when I was 20 because of some hard times in my life. Not once during that time did I feel judged or looked down on. The time I spent with her was the reason I felt I could make it on my own and move away from home.

I'm sure we've both had times where we felt alienated from one another, but something always pulls us together again. I always seem to come back to her for her opinions and help. She was the first person I told when I found out I was pregnant with Cookie (I was at her house at the time). She was so understanding about it all. Even though our religious views and day-to-day lives are so different, I dont feel like she is trying to preach to me. She is straightforward but caring and sweet tempered. I cant imagine what my life would have been like if she wasnt part of it. I am so happy to have all of my amazing siblings, and I know sometimes she might feel left out because I dont get the chance to see her as often as some of my other siblings. I just wish I could express how important she has been in my life. Healing after placement is really tough, and knowing that she understood was so amazing. She has always been the person who inspires me to be better, and she will always be a wonderful example of motherhood.

Jen, I love you and appreciate you every day. I know how hard it's been for you to be understanding even when I made huge mistakes. I know that no matter what happens I will always have my sister to lean on. I love that you are willing to listen when I talk, and I wish I could see you and your beautiful family more often. I cant wait for you to meet your niece and I know she will love you and see how much you have inspired my life and my road to motherhood. Love you sister.