Adoption Art of The Week...

This week I want to focus in on depression. It is a huge part of what a birthmother goes through after placement. For me it felt like if I stopped being depressed it would somehow be like I stopped loving my son. It took me a long time to get past that feeling, and even longer to allow the hard days to be just that, hard days. Every day doesnt need to be a mope-fest and every day does not need to feel like trudging through deep mud. I can love my son and not be sad about placement every day. In fact I feel like I am doing better by him when I allow myself to be happy. I feel like if he grows up believing that this is something I am sad about he may think I somehow feel it was a bad thing. I dont. It is sad for me sometimes, and that is ok, but it isnt a bad part of my life. I am who I am today because of placement. So here is a sad song that I hold dear:




Just Me (Hidden Track): Blue October



I lost a piece of me in you
I think I left it in your arms
I forget the reasons I got scared
But remember that I cared quite a lot

You see but lately I’ve been on my own
Yeah one, but one by choice
You see that’s a first for me
There's only me, yeah there’s only me
And now I realize for once, it’s just me

It’s just me
It’s just me and I’ll find a way to make it
There’s no one left to stop me,
Here I go, can we take it from the top

So wide, so long, so sad I want to be strong
Don’t try to take this from me
I’ve already spent living half my life undone
So wide, so long, so sad I want to be strong
Don’t try to take this from me
I’ve already spent my life living half undone

I’ve been talking to my aunts and uncles, Mom and Dad again
I’ve been finding out that I have what this world has called friends
I’ve tried to push them all away
They pushed me back and want to stay
And that’s one good thing I have

I’m gonna feel a peace in me
I’m gonna feel at home
I’m gonna make this cloud above me disappear, be gone
I want to feel a punch inside
My heartbeat on the floor
I don’t want to hurt no more

Yeah it’s just me
It’s just me and I’ll find a way to make it
There’s no one left to stop me,
Here I go, Can we take it from the top

So wide, so long, so sad I want to be strong
Don’t try to take her from me
I’ve already spent my life living half undone
So wide, so long, so sad I want to be strong
Don’t try to take her from me
I’ve already spent my life living half undone

It's me, the one who won before
I used to smile but don’t no more
I'm living just to watch it all go by...